Joan Annsfire

Why is it so hard for lesbians in relationships?

Because we come to them without a guide book
Because we’ve learned gossip and manipulation as tools for survival
Because we don’t truly believe we are equal
Because we refuse to serve.

Because we are too special to settle for less
Because we will never be good enough
Because we have taken it all in
Because we have rejected everything.

Because families are not nurturing places to be raised
Because we are righteous and justified in our feelings
Because we are angry
Because we are afraid.

Because we believe everything we’ve been taught
Because we don’t believe in anything
Because we would be better off alone
Because we need too much.

Because we have all the time in the world
Because we burn the candle at both ends
Because our lives are hard and short
Because we can’t ever truly feel at home.

Because we are always searching
Because to stay means to surrender
Because love is only one piece of the equation
Because we have already written the ending.

Because we will never run out of reasons
Because we want a wife
yet have no desire
to be one.

Joan Annsfire is a longtime political activist and writer. She writes poetry, memoir, short stories, and non-fiction. Her home is in Berkeley, California. She blogs at