ISSUE 7 - GENDER

CONTENTS
The theme of this issue was inspired by Ingrid Jungermann's web series F to 7th, so I interviewed her about Gender. I'm happy to introduce Carolyn Boll, who will be Lavender's Assistant Art Editor for Lavender 8, the Dance issue. I'd also like to mention that I've branched out into print publishing, as a Mistress of Headmistress Press, and we are in the midst of our first Open Reading Phase. But before you read Ingrid, submit your poetry and art for Issue 8, and submit your manuscripts to Headmistress Press, take a look at the Gender issue -



You who come and ask for love,
Who below and who above?
Turn about
In doubling doubt.
Not you nor two wild horses can
Tear this woman from this man.
They are locked forever in
This battleground, this single skin.


(Excerpt from Naomi Replansky's poem)

Mary Meriam, Editor
June, 2013

ISSUE 7 - GENDER - CONTENTS

POETRY ART
TIMOTHY MURPHY
An Old Man Speaks

ROSE KELLEHER
Night School

RISA DENENBERG
About the body and what it needs

MIA
The Dog Lover

NICOLE BROSSARD
excerpt from White Piano

MARTY MCCONNELL
object

LIV LANSDALE
To the Fairest

ANDREA DULANTO
Dear Virginia

NED BALBO
Bronze Tableau
A Giant of Ages Past

MARYANN CORBETT
Collaboration

AARON SHURIN
Bijoux

MOIRA EGAN
All the Old Weapons

NAOMI REPLANSKY
Sideshow

JOAN ANNSFIRE
Why is it so hard for lesbians in relationships?

WILLIS BARNSTONE
Letter for Sor Juana Inés de la Cruz

SIHAM KARAMI
Who I Am

NAKED
Selection
ROMAINE BROOKS
Peter, a Young English Girl (1923-1924)

NORMAN ROCKWELL
Rosie the Riveter (1943)

ANNE BENTLEY
Looking For Mary Poppins (2007)

HANNAH BARRETT
Graf Bobbi im Damen Sattel (2012)

MADY MARIE BOURDAGES
Petit renard Roux (2013)

LEAH DEVUN
Joshua (2007)

MERAUD GUEVARA
Woman with Blue Eyes (c. 1935)

LEONARD WOOLF
Virginia Woolf and Vita Sackville-West (1933)

PROFOUNDLY SUPERFICIAL PHOTOGRAPHY
Karla Medusa (2010)


ARTEMISIA GENTILESCHI
Self-portrait as the allegory of Painting (1639)

TINA FIVEASH
Twilight Lovers (1994)

LAWRENCE SCHWARTZWALD
Tim Trace Peterson (2013)

HANNAH HOCH
Creatures (1926-1929)

JEN P. HARRIS
Untitled (American Kiss 9) (2009)

MAURA MCGURK
I Saw You, Sor Juana

AMOS MAC
Terry X (2012)

BERENICE ABBOTT
Edna St. Vincent Millay, New York (1930)


Timothy Murphy

An Old Man Speaks

You haven’t found me frothing on the floor
and bleeding from the tongue for a long time.
You are my weekly visitor. The door
creaks open, and a corpse dusted with lime
revives to smile. Danny, had I been straight,
I might be you, smothered in happiness,
children swarming my knees. But I’ve a fate,
Dom in the Anglo Saxon, and I’d guess
the All Father has placed me on this path
diverging in a leafless wood, to find
some way to charity, away from wrath.
My eyes are bandaged, so I’m choosing blind
between two destinations: Heaven, Hell.
Visit me here, and try to love me well.





The Dakota Institute Press has published Timothy Murphy’s three newest books: Mortal Stakes/Faint Thunder (a double volume) and Hunter's Log. Five more volumes will be published in 2013 and 2014. Click here.

Romaine Brooks


Romaine Brooks, Peter, a Young English Girl (1923-1924). Smithsonian American Art Museum

Rose Kelleher

Night School

Poets should have Experiences, you say,
your verse a bristle of ski poles, crampons, masts,
memories of hogslop at sunup and whatnot.

Sorry, I never had any farm chores
to be self-righteous about. Never rode the rails
(girls learn quick they can’t be Kerouac),
never slouched through Europe draped in stylish
faux poverty, smoking handrolled cigarettes.

Shall I regale you with my youthful forays
to work and school and home on bus and subway,
subway and bus, gripping straps and poles
in bank-appropriate rayon and sweaty L’eggs?
Eight years it took me. I have spent more time
waiting for buses and trains than you can possibly imagine.
What would Robert Penn Warren say to that?
Does someone like me have the right to write a poem?

I could tell him how at night, when you need them, coffee shops
blanket themselves in steel and go to sleep.
After hours, no one officially exists.
Social life is exchanging hellos with the janitor
or the off-duty cop with his tight-leashed German Shepherd
heaving past you on the school’s back stairs.
Atmosphere is exhaust fumes, urine stains,
the sidewalk’s grayscale collage of butts and gum.
Landscape is concrete wind tunnels
and ill-lit streets (no one walks who matters),
always against a black backdrop of rape.

I could write whole books about nothing, blank,
a mouth big and empty as the sky
with me inside, my footsteps echoing
as yet another Not My Train sighs by.
Did nothing swallow me, or I it?
No matter, I’m to blame. I came to nothing.






Rose Kelleher was born in the Year of the Dragon, on the Feast of the Holy Rosary, on the day of Mercury, ashes, Wōden, and woe.

Norman Rockwell


Norman Rockwell, Rosie the Riveter (1943)

Risa Denenberg

About the body and what it needs

I navigate by shadows of clouds in the ocean.
I don’t need a mother or lover to enter my vessel,
or to amend legends that were never mine.

I don’t recall labor pains, but still feel the rush
of milk tumble into empty breasts — a small shiver
of memory that sates longing, leaves me engorged.

You must wonder how I say these things that seem
so faded. In full sight of your fraught wish to be loved
in body, my rebuff must affront you.

I will not be coy: I know it does. Since,
if these things about me were not true,
I could foist the love you seek upon you.

I am no more alone than Emily Dickinson.
There is no idiom for the seasonal way I sail
into myself. The clouds are blue today.






Risa Denenberg is an aging hippie poet currently living in the Pacific Northwest. She is pleased to be co-managing Headmistress Press, a new home for lesbian poetry. Her chapbook, what we owe each other, is available from The Lives You Touch Publications.

Anne Bentley


Anne Bentley, Looking For Mary Poppins (2007) 
Edition of 25 Lambda print, from the exhibition, Heaven (is looking up)

Mia

The Dog Lover

When others asked the truth of me, I was convinced it was not the truth they wanted,
but an illusion they could bear to live with.
- Anaïs Nin

Driving the Desert Highway
the girl with blond hair and blue eyes
started crying, “Why can’t I be enough?”

As if she had rehearsed this line
a thousand times, her voice
on the verge of throwing
itself off a bridge but for all its intent
remained steadfast to the wheel

through the slow traffic that afforded her
this blown-up drama while the dog lover
blew smoke rings out the window

resigned to a very long trip. She who was lost
in counting the windmills along the highway
each whoosh of the pillarblades turning
and gathering in an outside force

deep into the generator, into the cathexis
of its electric center, live sparks crackling.

“I just can’t love you that way,” she said quietly.
So quietly she could have been speaking
to the dust settling in the radiator, or to the
saguaros standing like sentinels, when

what she really meant to say, “I made a mistake,”
recalling the speaker at the seminar with whom
there’d been a few looks and fewer words, but whose lips
had left her unsettled. She couldn’t help but stare.

“I wanted to be you,” the girlfriend confided at last. Echoing on the
word, want, maybe she left out, “with you,” but suddenly
it occurred to the dog lover what was whorishly wrong—

The anatomy of her mouth    Where words
kept pushing and pushing and falling out.






Mia was born in Korea and grew up in Ohio and Texas. She moved to California after graduating from the University of Texas at Austin. She now resides in Minneapolis, where she edits the online magazine, Tryst, which is currently on hiatus.

Hannah Barrett


Hannah Barrett, Graf Bobbi im Damen Sattel (2012)
oil on linen
27 x 22 inches
Image courtesy of the artist.

Nicole Brossard

excerpt from White Piano

without story no spilt wine
nor conversation nor caress that swims
and rosy contour around the fingers
nor photo of you who wanted
naked, brief and full of oxygen



excerpt from White Piano, by Nicole Brossard,
translation by Erin Moure and Robert Majzels
Coach House Books, Toronto, 2013


Born in Montréal. Poet, novelist and essayist, twice Governor General winner for her poetry, Nicole Brossard has published more than thirty books since 1965. Many among those books have been translated into English: Mauve Desert, Lovhers, The Blue Books, Museum of Bone and Water, Notebook of roses and civilization (trans. by Erin Moure and Robert Majzels, Shortlisted for the Griffin international poetry prize 2008), Fences in Breathing (novel) and Selections : the poetry of Nicole Brossard, University of California Press, 2009. She has cofounded and codirected the avant-garde literary magazine La Barre du Jour (1965-1975), has codirected the film Some American Feminists (1976) and coedited the well acclaimed Anthologie de la poésie des femmes au Québec, first published in 1991 then in 2003. She has also won le Grand Prix de Poésie du Festival international de Trois-Rivières in 1989 and in 1999. In 1991, she was attributed le Prix Athanase-David (the highest literary recognition in Québec). She is a member of l’Académie des lettres du Québec. She won the W.O. Mitchell 2003 Prize and the Canadian Council of Arts Molson Prize in 2006. Her work has influenced a whole generation and has been translated widely into English and Spanish and is also available in German, Italian, Japanese, Slovenian, Romanian, Catalan and Norwegian. In 2010, she was made an Officer of the Order of Canada. In 2013, she received le Prix international de littérature francophone Benjamin Fondane. Her most recent book translated into English is White Piano. Nicole Brossard lives in Montréal.

Mady Marie Bourdages


Mady Marie Bourdages, Petit renard Roux en visite dans l'IntraTerrestre (2013) 
huile sur toile 20 x 24 pouces

Marty McConnell

Object

The girl in the tie is a boy in the bar light
and everyone in a skirt’s got eyes

for her buttons, snug in their sockets,
not one of them threatening

to burst. The light in the bar is the boy
in the girl sickened by lipstick. Every tie

is a slipknot, an unraveling skirt waist.
Her buttons say nothing

about regret or blurred mornings
or what’s under the lycra compressing

her chest. The bar in the boy is a pageant
of light, an astonishment of offers, skirts

pressed against the night, each other,
the boy, the boy in the girl in the tie

in the bar, the bar, her buttons, her hands
like her father’s, in charge, something

about power, something about
hold me down, something

about our fathers, some light
off her shoulders, some weight

the tie tells our skirts she can shoulder
better than our fathers, better her

than the bar, the night, our astonishment
of want. The boy in the light

is a pageant of buttons she knows
how to fasten in the dark. Escape

is key for the boy girl going home
with a skirt, going into the night

with the bar in her, with her lycra
and watch fob and the tie loose

as a slipknot, after all we’re all trying to kill
or marry our fathers and who better

than her, marooned at the bar with all
of his charm and none of his weaponry. What

better home for our want than the night,
her chest, our hands flattened against

the bar, each other, the lights overhead coming on
just as the music’s starting to get good.





Marty McConnell is the author of “wine for a shotgun” (EM Press, 2012) the director of Vox Ferus and a co-founder of the louderARTS Project. Her work has recently appeared in A Face to Meet the Faces: An Anthology of Contemporary Persona Poetry; City of the Big Shoulders: An Anthology of Chicago Poetry; Indiana Review; Crab Orchard; Gulf Coast, and is forthcoming in Southern Humanities Review. She lives in Chicago.

Leah DeVun


Title: Joshua
Artist: Leah DeVun
Medium: C-print
Date: 2007
Image courtesy of the artist.

Liv Lansdale

To the Fairest

A carriage would have sufficed, but I went to the
ball having sworn to my dead mother that I wouldn’t
curse you, her broom-bearing stepchild. I, a damsel in
distress, demanded my due, and back then I believed
every frog might be a prince so I’d try on slippers and
forbid myself from feasting. I started to hate your song.
Godmother saw that I was falling from grace, and you’d
have pulled me out of Fairyland right then and there
if she hadn’t guarded my secret like an enchanted rose.
Just the one spindle prick... but looking in the mirror, I
knew there could have been others. So I went East and
listened to the crows. They told me to walk a hundred
miles in iron shoes. To trample him in my thoughts and
never to return again. That is, not until I could finally
offer the huntsman my heart. And I did. And for all my
penance? Nothing. Midnight had come and gone and
quiet mice, quiet pumpkins, quiet thimbles were all that
remained. True love is a test in and of itself. You could
see that all along, you with your handful of beans, trying
to teach me patience. But weren’t you supposed to be the
ugly one? Didn’t your breadcrumbs lead us here? How
vexing, for you to’ve said goodbye by hemming my gown
while I scratched out your name and your seven O’s and
X’s in the scattered cinder soot. The hugs and kisses were
yesterday. Today, I brave the brambles of the path that
zigzags through the forest: today I head for your kingdom.






Liv Lansdale studies fiction and sustainable development at Columbia University. She can often be found in the East Village, talking strangers into choosing wind energy providers over gas and electric. She divides her time between Hogwarts and Hogsmeade.

Meraud Guevara


Meraud Guevara, Woman with Blue Eyes (c. 1935)
oil on canvas
25 1/2 x 21 1/4 inches
Courtesy Lori Bookstein Fine Art

Andrea Dulanto

Dear Virginia

when you wrote about prunes and custard
and said we should strive for the highest art
without giving into
the sour pudding
of our lives,
did you really think that was possible?

Because you did gather stones into your pockets
and kneel down to madness
between breakfast and tea
with your chatter of voices:

        Not good enough,
        Virginia!

        You were lucky this time,
        Virginia!

        No more words left,
        Virginia!


Pale in your nightgown
but you knew your own worth—
you knew
when you were writing your books—
no child can compare to this.

Yes,
incandescence

Yes,
death to the sitting-room
where Jane Austen hides her manuscripts
whenever she hears someone walking down the hall

No more crippled works,
nothing that spews—
        women, hold your venom—(not likely)
the obsession with a work
        expressed completely—(written between breakfast and tea and madness)

voices-in-your-head
        be damned—
we are crippled, Virginia,

we are crippled
and we walk on water.




Andrea Dulanto is a Latina lesbian writer currently residing in South Florida. Degrees include an M.F.A. in Creative Writing from Florida International University, and a B.A. in Literature and Women’s Studies from Antioch College in Ohio. She has worked as a writing instructor, freelance writer, and editor. In 2012, she was named a runner-up in The Kenyon Review Short Fiction Contest 2012 for her story "Winter Clothes." Publications include Educe (forthcoming), Gertrude Journal, Battered Suitcase, BlazeVOX, Court Green, and Sinister Wisdom. More of her writing can be found here.

Leonard Woolf


Leonard Woolf, Virginia Woolf and Pinka; Vita Sackville-West and Pippen, at Monk’s House (1933)

Ned Balbo

Bronze Tableau

A variation on Valéry’s “Viol”

The joke lies in reversal: that the rape
is one that she commits against the boy
abducted, still so young he can’t enjoy
her terrifying kisses. For us, the trap

is to believe the lie, the sculptor’s wish,
the touch that coaxed these figures out of clay
to make the mold, the hands that fell away
and cast these replicas of naked flesh

in bronze that’s centuries old, which we view now.
As staged (the scene suggests), rape augurs love,
desire unleashed—inflamed, devouring—

that’s consummated only through some show
of force and eros—if the boy would give
in as he should instead of panicking.







A Giant of Ages Past

A variation on Baudelaire’s “La Géante"

I don’t know how it happened—if it did—
but when, in some primordial time, I stumbled
on her private beach to find her, head
to toe unclothed, I’m sure I must have trembled

at the sight, excited and afraid:
a woman’s shadow overshadowing all.
Alone and languid, unashamed, she laid
her gentle hand upon me. I stood still—

I must have, out of fear—stroked like a pet;
and then she lifted me to where she let
me wander helplessly over her yielding

lush terrain of flesh, wet sand and salt
of sea abrading skin, her face withholding
some—not every—pleasure that she felt.




Ned Balbo's third book, The Trials of Edgar Poe and Other Poems (Story Line Press), was awarded the 2010 Donald Justice Prize by judge A. E. Stallings, and the 2012 Poets’ Prize. His other books are Lives of the Sleepers (U. of Notre Dame Press; Ernest Sandeen Prize and ForeWord Book of the Year Gold Medal) and Galileo's Banquet. His version of Baudelaire’s “Le Mort Joyeux” is co-winner of the 2013 Willis Barnstone Translation Prize, and his variations on the work of French and German language poets are out or forthcoming in Able Muse, Birmingham Poetry Review, Evansville Review, String Poet, and Unsplendid. He is the May 2013 Poet of the Month at PoetryNet.

Profoundly Superficial Photography


© Profoundly Superficial Photography, Karla Medusa (2010)

Maryann Corbett

Collaboration

Alas, they have had words.
No phrase in the target language
exhales the same fragrance—
clove and crankcase oil—
as that in the original,
the closest equivalent pressing
with the heft of petals and pine shavings
on his ear, while to hers
it tastes of light and stone dust.
Each night the poem mocks them.





Maryann Corbett lives in Saint Paul, Minnesota, and works for the Minnesota Legislature. She is the author of two books of poems, Breath Control (David Robert Books, 2012) and Credo for the Checkout Line in Winter (Able Muse, forthcoming 2013). Her poems, translations, essays, and reviews have appeared in many journals in print and online, as well as in several anthologies. New work appears in PN Review, 32 Poems, Modern Poetry in Translation and Alabama Literary Review, and is forthcoming in Barrow Street and Light.

Artemisia Gentileschi


Artemisia Gentileschi, Self-portrait as the allegory of Painting (La Pittura) (1638-1639)
Courtesy Royal Collection Trust / © HM Queen Elizabeth II 2013

Aaron Shurin

Bijoux



“Wispy Guinevere” — I’ll take the name — enormous ring on my finger he kept remarking (a terror to gender) — swept through his sputtering brain so that his back stiffened and his eyes went dull — as on the raked stage of this announcement I rattled my earrings — bombardiers — splitting the evening’s thin serenity into “then” and “now” — flux you — or a muscular can-can kicking the footlights out — le Duc de Joyeuse — in the pure thrill of a serious affront to taste…!







Aaron Shurin’s most recent books are Citizen (2012), a collection of prose poems, and King of Shadows (2008), a collection of personal essays, both from City Lights Books. His writing has appeared in over thirty national and international anthologies, from the first ever LGBT collection in Ukrainian (120 Pages of Sodom) to the new edition of The Norton Anthology of Postmodern American Poetry. He’s Professor Emeritus in the MFA Writing Program at the University of San Francisco.

Tina Fiveash


Twilight Lovers (1994)
Copyright: Tina Fiveash

Moira Egan

All the Old Weapons

Who’s the one who said it? All the old weapons
poems lay down, bladelessly or just rusty
fall to prose in paragraphs safe as houses.
        (Lock up the gun case.)

Here beside me pick out the weapons once you
used to slice through language or love. Achilles,
tent the blanket round us and heal these tenden-
        cies past believing.

Ancient rhythm, cardiac wisdom beating
punctuates the body with rhyme and reason.
Silence treats us equally, linking pulses.
        I hear your blood flow.

I’m the reliquary whose artist carved her
center’s empty space to hold something sacred,
petrified as the bog-heart buried ages
        I don’t remember.

Absinthe, teardrop, water of life I may be
only drinking all that I know of useful,
bottles, battles, settlements, as I watch us
        learning the language.






Moira Egan's most recent poetry collection is Hot Flash Sonnets, out with Passager Books (Baltimore). Her work has been published in many journals and anthologies in the U.S. and abroad. She lives in Rome, where she teaches, translates, and sometimes even manages to write new poems. "All the Old Weapons" was first published in Spin, Entasis Press, Washington DC, 2010.

Lawrence Schwartzwald


Tim Trace Peterson (2013). Photo by Lawrence Schwartzwald copyright 2013

Naomi Replansky

Sideshow

        A little show to tease
        A little show to please
        To enlighten
        And to frighten


The Half-Man Half-Woman

How can he-she ever rest
When the beard denies the breast?
She would wake when he would sleep
She would swoon when he would leap
She must shun what he pursues
Down divided avenues.

You who come and ask for love,
Who below and who above?
Turn about
In doubling doubt.
Not you nor two wild horses can
Tear this woman from this man.
They are locked forever in
This battleground, this single skin.


The Mammoth Man

They stand around to hear him laugh
And he will laugh
And when he laughs, how much will laugh!
That whole form
Big as a whale and mammal-warm.
And the onlookers swarm around
To warm themselves upon that sound.

But should he stare
From wintry acres of despair,
Then slim and trim
Will flee from him
Will flee that cold and never know
If any warmth still lives below
His every crevice filled with snow.


The Quick-Change Artist

Rubber-jointed, loose of limb,
He is what you think of him,
For he takes his shape and size
From the image in your eyes.

Nine these lives and none his own:
Is a stone and can be thrown
Is a reed and can be bent,
Is a coin and can be spent.

He can curl within a hand
Or be spanned across a land,
Can be victor or be lost,
Can be solid or be ghost.

When you turn away your eyes,
Then what size? And what disguise?
In that dark he must retrace
The features of his single face,

Find alone his lone desire
And his solitary fire
And his separate flesh and bone
And his unique martyrdom.


The Tattooed Lady

Step up and see
the lady's past
set down in ink
from head to heel.

The names, the flags,
the arrowed hearts,
a face within
a flaming wheel.

The dragon of terror
curls at her nipple
and song-birds settle
upon her thighs.

Ah she is public,
the tattooed lady,
smooth to the touch,
a feast for the eyes.

Leaf through her skin,
who runs may read.
All is set down,
it is not to erase.

What now to be written,
be sketched, be stippled?
Is there one blank space
in a secret place?

1941






Naomi Replansky was born in the Bronx, New York, in 1918. Ring Song (Scribner, 1952) was a finalist for the National Book Award in poetry. The Dangerous World: New and Selected Poems, 1934-1994, was published by Another Chicago Press in 1994. Her Collected Poems was published by Godine/Black Sparrow in 2012, and won the William Carlos Williams award of the Poetry Society of America.

Hannah Hoch


Hannah Hoch, Creatures (1926-1929)
oil on canvas

Joan Annsfire

Why is it so hard for lesbians in relationships?

Because we come to them without a guide book
Because we’ve learned gossip and manipulation as tools for survival
Because we don’t truly believe we are equal
Because we refuse to serve.

Because we are too special to settle for less
Because we will never be good enough
Because we have taken it all in
Because we have rejected everything.

Because families are not nurturing places to be raised
Because we are righteous and justified in our feelings
Because we are angry
Because we are afraid.

Because we believe everything we’ve been taught
Because we don’t believe in anything
Because we would be better off alone
Because we need too much.

Because we have all the time in the world
Because we burn the candle at both ends
Because our lives are hard and short
Because we can’t ever truly feel at home.

Because we are always searching
Because to stay means to surrender
Because love is only one piece of the equation
Because we have already written the ending.

Because we will never run out of reasons
Because we want a wife
yet have no desire
to be one.




Joan Annsfire is a longtime political activist and writer. She writes poetry, memoir, short stories, and non-fiction. Her home is in Berkeley, California. She blogs at lavenderjoan.blogspot.com.

Jen P. Harris


Jen P. Harris, Untitled (American Kiss 9) (2009)
ink on paper, 12 x 13 inches
Photo by Susan Alzner. Image courtesy of the artist.© 2009

Willis Barnstone

Letter for Sor Juana Inés de la Cruz who after criticism gave away her vast library (1649-95)

When I am dead they’ll say I was a muse
And praise my science and the poems condemned
By fulminating bishops who abuse
Me as a bastard child, mestiza blend
Of Indian criolla. Monks scrub the floor
Two weeks to cleanse the profanation of
The prelate’s house, for I (whether a whore
Or nun), a female, tread his realm of love
For God. The same men beg our bodies, rage
If we refuse, and fume if we give in;
My secret love only in verse is heard.
They flatter me, painting me young, but age
Is not deceived. Shade, dust, cadaver win,
And gone the books, my loves and my stained word.






Willis Barnstone is Distinguished Professor Emeritus of Comparative Literature at Indiana University. He has received many awards, and authored seventy books. Recent volumes are Stickball on 88th Street (Red Hen Press, 2011), Dawn Café in Paris (Sheep Meadow, 2011), The Poems of Jesus Christ (Norton, 2012), ABC of Translation (Black Widow Press, 2013), and Borges at Eighty (New Directions Press, 2013).

Maura McGurk


Maura McGurk, I Saw You, Sor Juana (2012)
Copyright Maura McGurk 2012

Siham Karami

Who I Am

Every heartbeat ploughs a path of nevers,
a cup I know can never be removed.
The anguish when they called me Wonder Woman —
even as a child, my heart recoiled
from a girlhood that was never mine.

On the verge of being, here I am,
already fully man, uncompromised,
though unbulked muscles cry out otherwise—
once you hear my voice you'll know.
I'd die for dogfights, to dare the devil in the sky.
How I love knives, shooting, even more,
the camaraderie of men, among whom I
am just another guy, although this shadow
painted on, this hat pulled down too low,
these birdweight bones almost give me away.

I'm always on the verge, about to be
just one hair-chopping closer, but the shirt
I wear never really fits.
Friends who know my hurt
lies in appearances, lies in the nub
of what identity really means,
know I never snub their ways,
but who I am cannot fit in this flesh,
this chemical constituency of
the woman in the mirror
whose beauty I must bear
but cannot love.






Siham Karami lives in the Florida panhandle where she co-owns a technology recycling company. Her poetry has been or will be published in Mezzo Cammin, The Raintown Review, Angle Poetry, Tilt-a-Whirl, String Poet, Shot Glass Journal, Innisfree Journal, Snakeskin, The Road Not Taken, 14 by 14, New Verse News, and Sisters Magazine, among other venues.

Amos Mac


Terry X (2012)
© Amos Mac

Naked

excerpt from Orlando
Virginia Woolf (1882-1941)



The sound of the trumpets died away and Orlando stood stark naked. No human being, since the world began, has ever looked more ravishing. His form combined in one the strength of a man and a woman's grace. As he stood there, the silver trumpets prolonged their note, as if reluctant to leave the lovely sight which their blast had called forth; and Chastity, Purity, and Modesty, inspired, no doubt, by Curiosity, peeped in at the door and threw a garment like a towel at the naked form which, unfortunately, fell short by several inches. Orlando looked himself up and down in a long looking-glass, without showing any signs of discomposure, and went, presumably, to his bath.

We may take advantage of this pause in the narrative to make certain statements. Orlando had become a woman—there is no denying it. But in every other respect, Orlando remained precisely as he had been. The change of sex, though it altered their future, did nothing whatever to alter their identity. Their faces remained, as their portraits prove, practically the same. His memory—but in future we must, for convention's sake, say 'her' for 'his,' and 'she' for 'he'—her memory then, went back through all the events of her past life without encountering any obstacle. Some slight haziness there may have been, as if a few dark drops had fallen into the clear pool of memory; certain things had become a little dimmed; but that was all. The change seemed to have been accomplished painlessly and completely and in such a way that Orlando herself showed no surprise at it. Many people, taking this into account, and holding that such a change of sex is against nature, have been at great pains to prove (1) that Orlando had always been a woman, (2) that Orlando is at this moment a man. Let biologists and psychologists determine. It is enough for us to state the simple fact; Orlando was a man till the age of thirty; when he became a woman and has remained so ever since.

But let other pens treat of sex and sexuality; we quit such odious subjects as soon as we can. Orlando had now washed, and dressed herself in those Turkish coats and trousers which can be worn indifferently by either sex; and was forced to consider her position. That it was precarious and embarrassing in the extreme must be the first thought of every reader who has followed her story with sympathy. Young, noble, beautiful, she had woken to find herself in a position than which we can conceive none more delicate for a young lady of rank. We should not have blamed her had she rung the bell, screamed, or fainted. But Orlando showed no such signs of perturbation. All her actions were deliberate in the extreme, and might indeed have been thought to show tokens of premeditation. First, she carefully examined the papers on the table; took such as seemed to be written in poetry, and secreted them in her bosom; next she called her Seleuchi hound, which had never left her bed all these days, though half famished with hunger, fed and combed him; then stuck a pair of pistols in her belt; finally wound about her person several strings of emeralds and pearls of the finest orient which had formed part of her Ambassadorial wardrobe. This done, she leant out of the window, gave one low whistle, and descended the shattered and bloodstained staircase, now strewn with the litter of waste-paper baskets, treaties, despatches, seals, sealing wax, etc., and so entered the courtyard. There, in the shadow of a giant fig tree, waited an old gipsy on a donkey. He led another by the bridle. Orlando swung her leg over it; and thus, attended by a lean dog, riding a donkey, in company of a gipsy, the Ambassador of Great Britain at the Court of the Sultan left Constantinople.





Bath
Amy Lowell (1874-1925)

The day is fresh-washed and fair, and there is a smell of tulips and narcissus in the air.
     The sunshine pours in at the bath-room window and bores through the water in the bath-tub in lathes and planes of greenish-white. It cleaves the water into flaws like a jewel, and cracks it to bright light.
     Little spots of sunshine lie on the surface of the water and dance, dance, and their reflections wobble deliciously over the ceiling; a stir of my finger sets them whirring, reeling. I move a foot and the planes of light in the water jar. I lie back and laugh, and let the green-white water, the sun-flawed beryl water, flow over me. The day is almost too bright to bear, the green water covers me from the too bright day. I will lie here awhile and play with the water and the sun spots. The sky is blue and high. A crow flaps by the window, and there is a whiff of tulips and narcissus in the air.



Naked Girl And Mirror
Judith Wright (1915-2000)

This is not I. I had no body once—
only what served my need to laugh and run
and stare at stars and tentatively dance
on the fringe of foam and wave and sand and sun.
Eyes loved, hands reached for me, but I was gone
on my own currents, quicksilver, thistledown.
Can I be trapped at last in that soft face?

I stare at you in fear, dark brimming eyes.
Why do you watch me with that immoderate plea—
'Look under these curled lashes, recognize
that you were always here; know me—be me.'
Smooth once—hermaphrodite shoulders, too tenderly
your long slope runs, above those sudden shy
curves furred with light that spring below your space.

No, I have been betrayed. If I had known
that this girl waited between a year and a year,
I'd not have chosen her bough to dance upon.
Betrayed, by that little darkness here, and here
this swelling softness and that frightened stare
from eyes I will not answer; shut out here
from my own self, by its new body's grace—

for I am betrayed by someone lovely. Yes,
I see you are lovely, hateful naked girl.
Your lips in the mirror tremble as I refuse
to know or claim you. Let me go—let me be gone.
You are half of some other who may never come.
Why should I tend you? You are not my own;
you seek that other—he will be your home.

Yet I pity your eyes in the mirror, misted with tears;
I lean to your kiss. I must serve you; I will obey.
Some day we may love. I may miss your going, some day,
though I shall always resent your dumb and fruitful years.
Your lovers shall learn better, and bitterly too,
if their arrogance dares to think I am part of you.

Berenice Abbott


Berenice Abbott, Edna St. Vincent Millay, New York (1930)